Weird News

Affair with the Secretary

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon.

Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 PM.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.

“Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!”

More Funny Jokes

People Feeding Beer to Circus Animals

A circus touring in the South Island of New Zeeland is having problems with people feeding beer to its animals.

A lion from the Whirling Bros Circus was found early yesterday biting the neck of a glass beer bottle, his paws wrapped around the bottom.

Circus owner Tony Radcliffe said the incident was disgusting and only quick thinking to get the glass bottle out of the lion’s mouth saved him from injury.

“I just grabbed the fire extinguisher and sprayed it at him because I knew that would force him to jump and drop the bottle.”

Police are investigating the incident, which also involved a can of beer being thrown at an elephant.
The elephant went to drink the beer, but discarded it and trampled the can ... Read full story

Sex Workers Advertise 'Goods' by Cellphone

Hong Kong - Prostitutes in Hong Kong have gone hi-tech and are advertising their services through cellphone voice messages, a report said on Monday.

Prostitutes, who may operate legally from their homes in the southern Chinese enclave, have begun sending out automated messages in which they advertise their addresses and phone numbers.

“Our girls are only doing it part-time but you will like them,” one message reads, according the to the South China Morning Post newspaper.

“They are young but very experienced in all kinds of techniques,” it continues, adding that the girls are all from mainland China.

The sex messages came to light when a reader contacted the newspaper to complain she had received repeated spam communications on her phone.

Police are investigating, the report said.

New Erotic Device for 100 Percent Virtual Sex

The new hi-tech invention of the sex industry allows to enjoy the pleasure of “distant sex.” E
ach kit contains: a computer board, headphones and a microphone for naughty communication online. Everything is complete with a vibrator or a vagina (depending on user’s sex) - they are connected to personal computers through computer boards.

According to instructions, a male partner can control the vibrator of a woman and talk to her on the microphone, whereas the female partner in her turn is able to manipulate the vagina used by a man.

When the sensual system is connected to the computer and the online connection is established with a partner, the screen menu offers a variety of choices: vigorous movements or tender vibrations of a dildo, a strong or a delicate grip of a vagina.

Two partners can thoroughly enjoy the reality of virtual sex with the help of the product - all they have to do is to move a mouse. He remotely controls the vibrator in a woman’s body, while she is remotely in charge of the appropriately used vagina.

Chinese technicians, who participated in the invention of the 190-dollar erotic system, say that everything is reliable and does not lead to any technical malfunctions during operation.

From Kerala India

Whipping Cures Depression

Russian scientists from the city of Novosibirsk, Siberia, made a sensational report at the international conference devoted to new methods of treatment and rehabilitation in narcology. The report was called “Methods of painful impact to treat addictive behavior.”

Siberian scientists believe that addiction to alcohol and narcotics, as well as depression, suicidal thoughts and psychosomatic diseases occur when an individual loses his or her interest in life. The absence of the will to live is caused with decreasing production of endorphins - the substance, which is known as the hormone of happiness. If a depressed individual receives a physical punishment, whipping that is, it will stir up endorphin receptors, activate the “production of happiness” and eventually remove depressive feelings.

Russian scientists recommend the following course of the whipping therapy: 30 sessions of 60 whips on the buttocks in every procedure. A group of drug addicts volunteered to test the new method of treatment: the results can be described as good and excellent.

Doctor of Biological Sciences, Sergei Speransky, is a very well known figure in Novosibirsk. The doctor became one of the authors of the shocking whipping therapy. The professor used the self-flagellation method to cure his own depression; he also recovered from two heart attacks with the help of physical tortures too.

“The whipping therapy becomes much more efficient when a patients receives the punishment from a person of the opposite sex. The effect is astounding: the patient starts seeing only bright colors in the surrounding world, the heartache disappears, although it will take a certain time for the buttocks to heal, of course,” Sergei Speransky told the Izvestia newspaper.

Tractor Driver Suffocates Under Pile of Manure

PRAGUE, Czech Republic - A Czech tractor driver died under eight tons of manure in a bizarre accident that has baffled his employers, local media reported.

The 34-year old man, identified only as Martin T., suffocated after the load fell on him while he was dumping it in a field near the western Czech city of Karlovy Vary. “It absolutely beats me how this could happen,” said Vladimir Erps, chief of the company employing the victim.

“The truck is operated from the tractor cabin, using hydraulics. There was nothing for him to do under the truck, but it’s tough to blame him now that he is dead,” the news site quoted him as saying.

Police are investigating the death as a work-related accident.

Man Drowned in 8 Inches of Water

GALLOWAY TOWNSHIP, N.J. (AP) Authorities believe a 31-year-old man who drowned in 8 inches of water became overcome by fumes while painting an indoor swimming pool.

Michael Forbey of Atlantic City died last weekend while working, and investigators said Thursday they do not consider his death to be suspicious.

Forbey was applying rubberized swimming pool paint at the home of another man who was helping him. The man left his home for a dinner break Saturday night and returned to find Forbey face down in the pool.

“It probably should have been better ventilated,’’ Lt. William Hambrecht said of the work area.

Forbey, who died four days before his 32nd birthday, leaves behind two children.

Teen Horrified after Downloading Porn Movie

AN OHIO teen was severely traumatized after discovering the stars of a downloaded porno flick were none other than his own parents.

Timmy Shannon, 17, recalls the moment that scarred him for life. “I was like five minutes into this porno called Horny House Wives 4, when I thought to myself, ‘Hey, that couch looks exactly like the one I’m sitting on. Oh crap, it is!’ I remember the horror overcoming me when I realized the woman bent over that couch was my mother, and the guy giving it to her was my father. I instantly pulled my pants back up and vomited.”

Timmy’s parents, “Captain Throbberson” and “Gina Jiggles,” as they were credited in the film, believe that their son needs to grow up and get over it.

“Tim’s mother and I are completely comfortable with our sexuality. I think our son’s a little scared he might learn a move or two from his old man.”

While his family seems to be in turmoil, Timmy admits that future family gatherings will probably be a little uncomfortable. “Call me crazy, but it’s going to be pretty hard trying to enjoy a nice Thanksgiving dinner knowing that your parents have probably done it all up and down the dining room table!”

Hot Links

Funny Jokes and Pics  Sexy Car Wash Girls  Dating Girls  Funny Quotes

Total viewers online: 110